Recipes from the Swedish Chef
Cricket Clam Crème Brulee
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8 ounces smashed crickets
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8 ounces of chopped clams
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1 cup sugar
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1 cup soured milk
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Smash all ingredients together and warm over old wooden stove for ½ hour, until bubbling.
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Place into oven at 450 degrees Fahrenheit.
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Remove and place into bent foil tin.
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Scorch top of mixture with an old cigarette lighter until you burn your fingers.
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Serve warm and leave the house quickly.
Jumbled Jambalaya with Goose Beak Bearnaise
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1 pound of fish bait
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1 pound spoiled rice
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1 can of old tomato soup
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1 freshly ground up goose beak
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1 can of powdered milk
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Combine fish bait, rice and tomato soup into an old pot
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Boil together over an open campfire
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Combine goose beak and powdered milk into shaker and shake violently
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Pour goose beak and milk into boiling mixture
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Serve hot and call poison control center for guests
BARF BAG RATING
Disgusting Recipes from the Swedish Chef
Well it is the holidays and time to share some of my favorite recipes that I typically serve to people I do not like. I hope you can make sure your next holiday get together warms the hearts of your friends and family, and these will assure that everyone will leave hungry! I have also taken the liberty to provide a rating system. The higher the ‘Barf Bag’ rating, the less anyone would want to eat the recipe. Bony Appetite!
Baby Crocodile Chowder and Horrific Herring Halves
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1 Baby Crocodile with tail and claws
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1 cup of chicken broth
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2 pounds spoiled Herring
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½ cup buttermilk
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Chop baby crocodile into pieces, leaving upper jaw and tail as whole pieces
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Add baby crocodile and herring into chicken broth and boil the shit out of it for 2 hours
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Remove from heat and add buttermilk
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Serve in a dirty ashtray along with moldy bread and stale crackers and order food delivered for yourself
Cobra Ice Cream Sundae
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1 adolescent or adult cobra
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3 scoops favorite ice cream
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1 cup of chopped cobra nuts (if you can find them)
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¼ cup Carmel sauce
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Trap cobra and throw in the freezer until completely frozen
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Scoop ice cream into dish, leaving room on rim to place frozen cobra
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Open freezer and take out frozen cobra, wrap around ice cream in bowl
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Drizzle caramel sauce and sprinkle nuts across ice cream and cobra
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Leave house before cobra thaws and gets really pissed