Helloooo, my dears!
Well, dears it’s time once again, to share with all of you my heartfelt, and very warmly received advice column. Oh, the outpouring of advice requests since initial publication has been overwhelming, dears. So many people turning to me, needing advice, comfort, warmth, and caring. I do love helping people, dears so if you ever find yourself in need, drop me an RLC message with your problem or question, and I’ll be happy to help light the way from the darkness, dears!
Dear Mrs Doubtfire,
A friend of mine has started dating a 19-year-old guy, and so he is about half her age. I do not see what they may have in common and I’m not sure what to think or do about it. Do you have any advice?
Signed, I Do not Get It.
Dear Do not,
I’m guessing that you don’t get quite a bit where this relationship, and other more intimate things in your own life are concerned, dear. Firstly, it’s truly none of your business, and secondly, if he’s 19 she’s probably getting banged like a screen door in a hurricane, dear. With younger men, that lustful vigor is very attractive to many and so if your friend has found someone to light her candle she will probably be saving a ton of money on batteries and having a much more fulfilling time than you likely are, dear. Keep out of it and just let the jealousy rage within you, dear
Dear Mrs Doubtfire,
I have heard my friends talk about the big “O” when they have sex, but I have never experienced that and do not know what they mean. My husband and I will have sex, and it is nice, but I do not think I’ve ever experienced what my friends are talking about. How would I know if I have?
Signed, Omitted Orgasm
Dear Omitted,
As a woman who was married for many years, I can relate to your question completely. My dear departed husband, Winston, was a bit lacking in the romance department, and I knew no better since I had not ever been with anyone else. The first time I was with someone after Winston passed, I finally knew what I had been missing. You ask how you will know, dear. Believe me that you will know. And if you do not then you should probably have yourself checked, dear.
Dear Mrs Doubtfire,
I am 18 years old and just told my parents that I’m gay. They seem alright with it, but my mother has started asking a lot of personal questions like how many guys I have been with and where I meet them. She is even asked about some of the details of my sex life. I am uncomfortable answering these questions but not sure what to tell her. How should I handle this?
Signed, Pornhub Peter
Dear Porn,
Judging by your signature, dear you are either an avid fan of the site, or someone who has their own channel. If you do have your own channel, give her a link to it and let her discover things on her own. Otherwise get an Only Fans account and make her pay for a membership. I would be happy to preview some of your work and talk her through any questions for you, dear.
Dear Mrs Doubtfire,
As a gay man who has been married to my husband for 5 years, we are looking for some way to spice up our sex life. Do you have any suggestions? Signed, Looking for Fun
Dear Looking,
Pornhub Peter, meet Looking for Fun. Looking for Fun, meet Pornhub Peter.
Glad I could help, dears