Helloooo, my dears!
Well, dears it’s time once again, to share with all of you my heartfelt, and very warmly received advice column. Oh, the outpouring of advice requests since initial publication has been overwhelming, dears. So many people turning to me, needing advice, comfort, warmth, and caring. I do love helping people, dears so if you ever find yourself in need, drop me an RLC message with your problem or question, and I’ll be happy to help light the way from the darkness, dears!
Dear Mrs D,
Last week, I was signed onto RLC and almost met the man of my dreams. I saw him at a party but did not have the nerve to say hello. He was handsome and chatted a lot in local and was so funny! He signed off before I could say hi. What should I do the next time I see him? Signed, Nervous Nelly
Dear Nervous,
Being smitten with someone you meet can be such a thrill, dear. I remember the first time I met my dear departed husband; Winston and I felt the same way. I would recommend you do what I did, dear. We had a lovely gathering for tea and crumpets at my parent’s home, and then we snuck into my bedroom and he hammered me like a two by four, dear! The banging of the headboard almost made my parents call an exterminator since they thought we had woodpeckers in the house. Of course, the only woodpecker was Winston’s, dear. Let me know how it goes either by writing back, or posting a video on Pornhub, dear!
Dear Mrs D,
My new boyfriend wants to try some kinky things in the bedroom, but I am not sure if I’m ok with that, since I’m a bit inexperienced when it comes to sex. I want to please him, but I also do not want to rush into anything I’m not ready for. How should I handle this with him? Signed, No Kink Twink.
Dear Twink,
Sexual prowess takes practice and exploration with a seasoned partner, dear. It sounds like you are just generally uptight and need a consistent banging by someone who knows what they are doing. Thank heavens it sounds like you have found someone who may fit the bill. Conquer those fears, let yourself go, and take the journey, dear! If you need any advice on where to buy leather slings, chaps, a whip, or a traffic cone sized dildo, just let me know, dear and I’ll refer you to my salesman at a local shop, dear.
Dear Mrs D,
My husband just told me that he’d like us to experiment with inviting others into our bedroom. I must admit that has always been a fantasy of mine, but I’m not sure we should try this or if it will change things. Any advice you can give would be helpful. Signed, Samantha Swinger
Dear Samantha,
Your name suggests that you may have already tried what your husband is suggesting, but if that is not the case, I think that you may want to consider taking him up on his suggestion. All I can say, is that if my dear departed husband Winston and I had tried that years ago, it would have been such a thrill, at least for me, dear. I can only imagine that the years of sexual boredom would have been cut short. Instead, I had to wait until Winston passed before I was able to enjoy an alternative lifestyle, dear. You can see it for yourself at www.grannygangbang.net
Dear Mrs D,
My husband and I are thinking of having children, but we are not sure if we are ready. We have a nice home and are in our 40’s so we’re financially prepared, but children are such a commitment and take a lot of work. If we decided to have kids would you be able to help as our nanny? Signed, Childless Couple
Dear Childless,
You are certainly right in that children are a big commitment and do take a lot of work, dear. Many children bring blessings with them when they enter this world, but they tend to give more blessings once they are off on their own. At your ages, you may want to adopt some additional pets or barnyard animals and hire a ranch hand to help, instead of a nanny, dear. As a matter of interest, I have retired from the world of caring for (or about) other people’s children, dear but I do appreciate the offer of employment.